If you doubt my existence, I will be making THREE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS in the coming days. 

MANIFESTATION ONE shall be this very Friday, May 18, as COULTON and I join to toast our friend, the genius named DAVID REES, Artisanal Pencil Sharpener, at the conclusion of his HOW TO SHARPEN PENCILS book tour. 

This will happen at Public Assembly, and tickets are HERE. ALL TICKETS INCLUDE A BOOK!

MANIFESTATION TWO shall be on Tuesday, May 22, where I shall speak to my friend, the genius named ELIZABETH GILBERT about how to cook eels and calves’ brains, as per a wonderful REDISCOVERED COOKBOOK by her great grandmother. 

This will happen at the New York Public Library, and tickets are HERE. 

MANIFESTATION THREE shall be on Thursday May 24, where I shall help to celebrate the publication of TASTEFUL NUDES, a new, self-explanatory book by my friend, the genius named DAVE HILL. 

This will happen at the Bell House, and tickets are HERE.

YOU MAY ASK, are these geniuses REALLY your friends?!

And I will respond: WHY ARE YOU SO SUSPICIOUS OF MY POPULARITY? AND MY EXISTENCE? 

Which is just the sort of non-answer answer that will keep you all guessing…

UNTIL YOU ALL SEE ME AND MY FRIENDS WITH YOUR LYING EYES.